i am going to post this again and open my heart. i'm a mentally screwed up kid. i've been down the wrong, beaten path one too many times and it comes back to me at least once a week that i want to do something i horrible. i get horrible urges to do things to my body and to go out and do illegal things. it isn't just a want for me to do these things, it hurts me physically as a need. i never go out and act on these things. not even when my skin crawls and my brain tells me that it is the only way for me to calm down and stop panicking about whatever is happening in my life.
i put in headphones and watch this video or listen to my favorite band. this video only slightly emobodies the love i have for these men. they got me through living with my grandparents, dealing with financial problems with my mom, my ex fucking killing my heart, my friends leaving me, /those/ times, those days where i wanted to give up, those days where i had the note prepared and written, just trying to finish the job, the days where i was taken to the mental institution and examined, the days where i wanted to just die.
when i saw them in 2007 on August 31th, i fell to my knees on the ground when they came on stage and cried. i cried harder than i have ever cried in my entire life. the people around me were asking me if they needed to call someone to come get me. it was the best day of my life and i am a proud owner of sunblister scars. my shoulders will never be the same.
i will be seeing them on April 15th in Chicago and my life will never be the same. i am going to meet so many killjoys and i will have the best time of my life and i will buy an american flag to paint and i will have the best time. i just wish i could have someone to go with me. i have no other killjoy friends.
i hope everyone in the world falls in live with a band and has them save their lives at some point in their life. this is a band that's entire purpose is to save your life.
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