serious post.

for once it isnt about bands or music. figures.

So, recently, I have found myself picking at my skin a lot more than usual. I always thought it was normal to completely destroy your lips or your fingertips by chewing on them or scratching a whole lot.

I was reading blogs that I follow, and I found one of them was talking about a disease they had called CSP, which had also come up in one of the stories i was reading. At first, I disregarded it, thinking it was all in my mind.

In the story I was reading, I saw that this boy was wearing gloves when he was nervous to make him feel better, and to keep himself from picking away all the skin on his hands, because it made him feel comfortable.

The boy whos blog I was reading was also talking about how he can never wear shorts because of all the scarring he has from scratching all the time that it leaves scars.

Then, I thought about how Victoria is always picking at her face, but I think it might be because she wants to rid herself of acne, which she shouldnt worry about because she is a teenager for one, and for two, shes absolutely beautiful. No worries for her in the beauty department.

Then, of course, my mind somehow ends up on how much medication my family is on for nerves, depression, ocd, other things. All of these things are ery mild. My grandmother and I were talking about how apparently the insanity didnt really transfer from her and my mother down to me, because they are very insane, and crumble ver easily. Im good at holding everything in, while they cannot. They explode on people at the grocery store, or working at walmart. It scares me to death that I will end up like them.

but out of the ocd tendencies that traveled through generations of my family, how is it possible that I went through without any of their instabilities?

So, i went back to look at the CSP.

I started thinking about all of the things that are just general signs, like picking all of your skin when youre nervous or scratching a lot of constantly having swollen skin from picking. My fingertips are constantly hurting or bleeding from picking them, my lips constantly swollen, my shoes always ruined from scratching them together through the thin material. i am always wearing those gloves when I can, because they make me feel better. Hell - I was wearing them in Evansville with Kaeley the other day because I felt more like myself in the huge mall with those damned gloves on my hands.

So, Im just gonna ignore it for now. But hopefully, like everything else, it will pass by. I really dont want some stupid disease that classifys me in some kind of statistic, nor do i want to see a freaking psychotherapist because i dont want to be another number of students that are screwed up.

anyways.