jacey and lindsey.

Those stages of grief dont work. They never have. I'm still not over it. I still cry about it all the time. I dont know why it hitme so hard this time. I just loved Jacey so much even though she didn't really love me all too well. I dont know if I can go on in colorguard without her. She was such a constant reminder. She reminded me every single day to keep my head held high and that everyday was a blessing. She told me that life moves on. After she left and guard was over for the season, she said that it would move on with or without her. She said that we had to be good. She said that we would be the most fantastic girls to lead us there. But when she came back, it just made everything so much better. We were so much cleaner. We just snapped with her. She was like my older sister then. i started talking to her more and she understood that I am not a leader and that I had serious issues with this guard. But She did everything in her power to be with us, and i couldnt return the favor. I couldnt get there. I couldnt be there the one time she needed me. The time that she needed me most, to be able to say goodbye. I was numb them. I'm not now.

Everytime I see the flowers I got for her and didnt take them, I feel like a horrible person. I feel so bad. Like, who is going to be able to sit on the side of the road with me and tell her goodbye. I've cried so many times over this.

I need to see Lindsey too. They were just alike. So strong and passionate about anything they did. I need her so badly. I need her to be my guard instructor. I need someone with that fire or I wont be able to do it. I need someone who had been through this with and can help us when i have a breakdown in the middle of class. When i want to cry all the time because i need her so much longer.

 

I need you so much closer, Jacey. I need to talk to you, Lindsey. 

I just need you back.