stealing hannahs 30 days post.

10 facts about me.

1. from the ages of 9-11 i thought that if I dressed like a boy, then I was a boy. 
2. i hang out with boys more than girls. i find that even though they dont mature very fast, they are more fun and more accepting.
3. my friends mostly live in other states. 
4. if I get into the Theatre Arts academy, my life is going to change forever.
5. I love Chemistry.
6. if i could meet the guys who saved my life, I would die happy.
7. I dont ever want to own a house. I would rather have a studio apartment in the subways of NYC than have a mortgage payment.
8. the kid I used to look up to more than anyone else disappoints me so much now.
9. there is an addictive personality trait in my family that has never skipped a generation.
10. i dont fear anything besides police, spiders, and weather.

 a photo of yourself from at least 1 year ago.

it is such a shame that you are such a disappointment to me now.

you will never have my respect again after that day in july. 

a photo that makes you happy.

you make me so proud to be an original fan, grant.

hardly anything makes me happier than showing up to a Breathe Electric show and you still remember my name. We need to go out to dinner again.

a photo of a place youd like to visit.

strawberry fields, nyc.

a photo that makes you laugh.

fourteenth birthday party.

a photo of someone you love.

frank iero & jamia nestor. 

have to even out my weird love for him with his love for his beautiful wife.

a photo of something you stand for.

one of the dozens of causes i stand for.

a photo of something you enjoy doing.

moshpits are the best things in life.

a photo of yourself as a baby.

a photo of the person who has gotten you through the most.

gerard arthur way, you have saved my life on more than one occasion.

happy 10 year anniversary, My Chemical Romance.

a photo of a night you loved.

"i am going to be really blunt. you are all terrifying on stage. you all make this horrible terrifying face."

"QUICK. EVERYONE MAKE THE STAGE FACE."

a photo of when you were happy.

all time low. the coolest guys ever.

one of your favorite memories.

warped tour 2010.

one of your favorite movies.

someone you cant imagine your life without.

harley quinn. i think i could live without the joker, but not without my harley.

a photo of you and a family member.

lily - i pretend she is my daughter. i love her more than life itself.

a photo of someone who inspires you.

no one inspires me more than these boys.

a photo from a trip youll never forget.

the wizarding world of harry potter.

a photo of something that has has a huge impact on your life recently.

a photo and a letter.

Kaeley Gilliam - 

you know how much you mean to me. you are the best friend i have ever had in my entire life and i miss you so much. it has been about a month and a half since i saw you last, and i am dying. your stuff is still in my locker and it almost feels as if i have lost a limb. you were my best friend and the entire reason i ever went to school. we can always be each other around one another, and i feel like if i am not careful, we will lose that. i need you to come back into my life asap. i love you and i hope everything is okay in evansville. there are so many things i want to tell you about. i am going to stop here before i start crying.

a photo of something you're afraid of.

a photo of someone you find attractive.

no.. not just attractive. just the most beautiful man i have ever laid my eyes on.

that is more fitting.

a photo of someone you associate a good memory with.

"thanks so much for everything, megan. really."

a photo of something you want to do one day.

fall in love and have a beautiful relationship just like theirs.

a photo of what you want to be when you grow up.

i am counting on you, Theatre Arts Academy.

a photo of someone you want to trade places with for a day.

a photo of your favorite subject in school.

music theory makes me sane.

a photo of something you are looking forward to.

a photo of your favorite person from history.

what about people?

a photo of something you find beautiful.

this is an appreciation post for my favorite people in the world.

“These guys have been together for 10 years, and they’re still legitimately best friends. The first night I went out with them, the four of them went up the street to get a pack of cigs or something. I looked up, and they’re in a group hug going up the street, still psyched to be doing what they’re doing, together. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?”

 “Oh man. Billie Joe from Green Day influenced everything about how I play guitar. He just made it look so easy. He was the first person I aped. And if it wasn’t for Green Day I wouldn’t have picked up the guitar. The band couldn’t believe it when we heard the news, I got the call and I was in the street in New York City and it was pouring rain, but I was just yelling and people were staring at me. And that was everybody’s response. I think Bob fell down a flight of stairs when he heard the news..”

“You’re going to come across a lot of shitty bands, and a lot of shitty people. And if anyone of those people call you names because of what you look like, or because they don’t accept you for who you are. I want you to look right at that motherf****r, stick up your middle finger, and scream F**K YOU!

The Kids from Yesterday.

I dont care if you love My Chemical Romance, or hate them so much you could die. I want you to watch this video. It brought me to tears. It explains everything in video form that I cannot say myself.


People give me weird looks when I say that this band saved my life, and they save me every day. People ask me questions as to what happened, and I honestly can't give you a point where it began and when it will ever end. These four boys make music to save kids like me. Music that they wish someone had made for them when they were growing up. For them, it was Black Flag, The Misfits, or The Smiths. For me, it will always be My Chemical Romance. They will always and forever be my favorite band. I will never regret any amount of money I spent on them, their merch, their albums, their action figures, nothing. 
I will never regret anything that they do. They give me a purpose every day. They are the reason I have dreams, inspiration, and hope for the future.
I promise you that any day you ever come up to me and ask me what my favorite band is, it will be them. Any day you ask me who my hero is, I will say that I have four - Mikey, Gerard, Frank, and Ray. Any time you ask me why there is a guy in a thong in rollerblades on my shirt, I will simply respond "because Lady Boy is more of a man than you will ever be". Any time you will ever comment on my weight, I will make a snide remark that ends in "do you realize that, or am I just fat?". Any time you will ask me why I have a reason to go on every day, it is because these boys inspire the fuck out of me. 
I know that since I grew up on the best music I could have possibly found with the best group of fans anyone could ask for, I will be the coolest parent/adult/person ever. I know that somewhere I will meet a fellow Killjoy/MCRmy member and we will fall in love and be the best couple you have ever seen.
These boys give me hope.

this is all just a evp. you know nothing at all.

things could be so much worse.

i dont understand how people can fear death. there are things far worse than death. cancer, sickness, being excluded, hating yourself, having everything crash around you is so much worse than death. being told everyday that you are something horrible, or having to fight your way for everything everyday is so much worse than death for me. 

“It erases everything I hate about myself. Nothing can hurt me. I feel completely invincible. I feel like everyone else on that stage is invincible and we’re capable of anything. There’s no stopping us.”

CASEY MY DEAR.

I LOVE YOU OMG. Its been like 48 hours since I ... nevermind. You just sent me a text.

ANYWAYS. Thank you for being just as mentally messed up as I am. I know you creep this blog on a regular basis, all the way from Pennsylvania. I know that you always wish that you could come kidnap me from here and take me up to PA to go visit my friends that live there that seem to connect with me more. 

I love you, and you give me the best compliments ever and UGH LIVE CLOSER TO ME.

the internet always connects the best of us all.

"Megan - it's because you're passionate. Nothing you ever talk about to me you ever say without passion for it. I can always ask you for music advice and I can just tell it makes you feel amazing. You don't need a stupid boy to take your eyes off of the goal. Ignore your stupid family and go for it."

"Dear Jack"

So, I am sitting here right after watching one of the strongest films I have ever seen in my life. It was entitled "Dear Jack", about one of the best musicians of this time, and I am going to go as far as to say the best piano player of his age - Andrew McMahon. Andrew is the frontman of Jacks Mannequin and Something Corporate, and someone who has had quite the impact on how I think about things. 


So, as I am sitting here thinking about this film and waiting for my coffee to be done on this snow day, I am realizing that I don't appreciate him as much as I should. Someone who brings me such positivity, and I just simply cease to realize how brilliant he truely is. 


This film introduces you to his entire family and the serious struggle that he went through while fighting his battle with Leukemia at the tender age of 22. I know that some children as young as 10 years old have to fight this horrid battle, but I had never realized how sick he was when I was hearing such beauty conveyed through his music before. 


The film takes you from the very beginning of his life, from where his uncle died of cancer and continued to live on through Andrew, to where he wrote his first songs at age 8, to touring with Something Corporate, to signing off on Something Corporate, to staring Jack's Mannequin, to being signed, to meeting his girlfriend, to recording Everything In Transit and then to him being diagnosed. I have never cried more in one movie before in my life. It is so heart wrenching and difficult to grasp while you watch it because he is so strong. 


I want to be that strong. I want to be able to deal with the things that he struggles with every day from 2005-2006. If Andrew could still write and record everything he did when he was so sick, then I can surely get through every day, or that damned French test I am so worried about. 


I really recommend this to anyone that is having a hard time with anything, so you can just realize how easy it is to lose your life to a disease, and to see how strong you can be. This just encourages me so much to go out and get my 'Swim' tattoo. 

“My name is Andrew McMahon, 22 years old, I play for two bands one’s called Jack’s Mannequin one’s called Something Corporate. And err, I am now officially a leukemia patient.”

I signed up for Middle-College today.

They have a 'Theatre Arts' program that not only consists of the theatre, but you can also go into the technical aspect of things, and I am so excited that I could die. However, I've never had an interview of any kind, so I'm really nervous about that. However, I really hope that I ace the interview. I mean, I can talk to a brick wall and convince it that I am really intelligent if need be. It also probably helps that I did Music Theory this year. The only thing that I am worried about is that if I get this, I'm not going to be able to be in band anymore. While it doesn't really bother me that I won't be in Marching Band, the idea that I wont be able to do concert anymore really worries me.
I really hope we don't have classes tomorrow so I can study for my French test, and study Theatre some more so I can ace my interview in Feburary.

I want this in my life, and that is it. Just this sound board. Nothing else. I will live on Chips & Salsa and water for the rest of my life if I can have this.

okay passive agressive blog and i dont care in all honesty
i've had this present for taylor sitting in my garage for MONTHS now. I told everyone about it and had a bunch of people willing to go in on it with me. now, no one wants to go in on it except jessica.
fucking seriously?
taylor is going to get so much money and all kinds of other things that she needs for her baby shower and UGH THIS PISSES ME OFF SO BAD.
mariahs family does NOT need this money, okay? my mother cant even freaking buy pepperonis for pizzas right now. we spent like 150 dollars OURSELVES on this, and all the sudden, everyone backs out?
ugh. i want to punch someone.

“I grew up never meeting my father so to be able to have a child with such an amazing, funny, thoughtful and beautiful person and to know that this kid is going to have him as a dad is the best feeling in the world. I never knew what real love was until I met Gerard and now I get to love two people that much. It’s overwhelming in the best way possible.”

I will always be that kid waiting at the door.

you know what is my favorite thing on the face of the planet? 

Seeing people meet their favorite musicians, artists, whatever. Meeting the people who make their daily life bearable. I also love seeing really sweet couples who are just the best of friends.

Being someone who has music as a huge part of her life, meeting musicians that I look up to so much is the best thing. I love meeting people who are like myself and would rather starve for a week than miss their favorite band coming through town. It sounds crazy to anyone who isn't into it. It sounds like kids like myself are just full of crap and don't have their priorities straight. I think that when you find a passion like I have, that there is no turning back. Some people wish to meet their favorite author, the one who they will wait overnight to get their books at midnight. Some people don't have idols and would rather be the person waiting at the airport for their cousin to come home from war. Some people would rather work all week because they have nothing else they would want to do with their time. Some people work all week, not spend any money on food or anything else so that they can travel. Some people will live in their cars so that they can tour and meet fans. Some people want to be the ones that are there waiting for their favorite band at the door so that they can tell them thank you.

I'm one of those kids that will always be waiting at the door.

“It’s okay to love something maybe a little too much as long as it’s real to you.”

30 People Who Shaped Me: [part 1]

 

1. Gina Gray. My Mother. Obviously, We have some issues. a lot of them. We really should be closer than we are and thats some brutal honesty. When she was put in jail so many years ago and I went into my downward spiral, she should have been there, and I don't really know if I will ever let that go. Know that she is completely better now. Shes perfect. No drug problems or alcohol anything. Sure, she has trouble with jobs and stuff because of the past, but it was 7 or 8 years ago now. She is my mom, I mean come on. She taught me to be strong, to not give a fuck what anyone thought, and all that good stuff. 

2. Gerard Way - fucking cliche, I know. He is nowhere near my family, and I really dont care. He is my biggest hero in the world. He's the singer in My Chemical Romance, and honestly, may as well have been my father figure from a really far distance. He has been a big, huge part of my life since I was nine years old. Through his music, he taught me to just flip anyone the bird who fucked with me. He told me that it was perfectly okay to be weird. that it was totally cool to be the kid who read comic books and cared more about his CD collection and than his grades. That writing and being an artist was sweet. Taught me that no matter what curve ball life throws at you, you can fix it. I've always thought that people who have struggled with drugs and alcohol have been the strongest people to overcome them. people like him, my mom, and many others. he just has so much strength and is the best father and husband to his family that anyone could ask for. 

“If for one minute you think you’re better than a sixteen year old girl in a Green Day t-shirt, you are sorely mistaken. Remember the first time you went to a show and saw your favorite band. You wore their shirt, and sang every word. You didn’t know anything about scene politics, haircuts, or what was cool. All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. Someone finally understood you. This is what music is about.”

3. Martha Jo - oh my gosh anyone who knows this woman or my mother knows that I am almost an exact replica of them both. She has been dealt so many bad hands that it isn't even funny anymore. Shes almost sixty years old and doesnt have a husband or anyone to help her out. I feel so bad for her sometimes living alone, but at the same time, I know that she has so much love and support from my mother and I that she honestly doesnt need anyone else. 

4. Desiree Koch - SHE HAS BEEN MY BEST FRIEND FOR SO MANY YEARS. I don't care if you live in the middle of Phoenixville Pennsylvania, you have always been there for me. She was going through some weird stuff at the same time that I was so many years ago, and I know that I can always call her up and we can talk for hours. She just has endless things to talk about, and she makes the best music for a 15/16 year old girl ever. Her and Michelle are always the sweetest people to me. 

5. Kaeley Gilliam - Oh my dear Kaeley. She taught me to be so much stronger than I could have ever imagined. I have only been close friends with her for like a year or so now, but she is seriously the strongest girl ever. She doesn't break down about a lot of things like I do. She doesnt share a lot of things, but I always snuck around and read about her dad, and I know that she never liked that I did that, but I never cared. It honestly helped in the long run. She is so private and I love that.

6. John Lennon - I really dont have to say much about him. Everyone knows that impact he had on so many people. It breaks my heart that I was never alive when he was, or that I have been to New York City twice and I have never seen his memorial. I have never been to Strawberry Fields. My favorite music growing up was always The Beatles or AC/DC. I know, it explains so much. My grandmother would put in the 1 tape, and I would know every word before I was even five. I love him so much, that it is completely unexplainable.

7. Dale/Susie Gray - as much as I hate to admit it, you had some part on my life. I hate that I was put into your custody because we fight SO MUCH, and you don't understand so much of my life, but you taught me some things about family that I don't think I would have understood otherwise. I hate that you tell me so much that I am going to be nothing if I don't go to school or get a 25 on my ACT or something dumb. I'll be fine - I always have.

8. Frank Iero - here comes another musician. He taught me that it was okay to not be so focused on schooling that I lose track of what my dreams are. School is always there - I can always go back and finish up anything. He told me that I could do anything I wanted to. ANYTHING. He came out of freaking nowhere to blow up the music scene he lived in. He just inspires me so much that I can push through anything he can to still be the best person I can be. 

9. Carol Muffet - Carol was my mothers best friend in High School. We went to visit him in Washington D.C. where he lives in 2008 for the Inauguration (next number) and he seriously changed my life. He opened my eyes that there is so much possibility for a kid like me. He told me so many times that I have so much potential. He saw that I have this extreme drive to get things done, and he always commented on it. He had everything lined up for me to do something big with GreenPeace when he worked there, and wanted me to come work with him or stay there for a long time over a summer and do internship work with him. I love his family, and to think that I could come from Hancock County and do those things is astounding.

10. BARACK OBAMA - I love him so much, man. Just the fact that I was there when he was Inaugurated in 2008 is crazy. My president is the best fucking president out there, okay? I'm just saying. I campaigned for him so hard and handed out GreenPeace stuff at the inauguration and I love him. Forever and always.