about seventy things in one.

how am i supposed to love you when I cannot love myself and my heart has belonged to someone else for so long? When the only people I have ever loved are the ones who raised me and don't know I exist? How am I supposed to let go when they can tell when something is wrong instantly? when the first thing that S says to me is "have you slept lately?" because they know just instantly that something isn't right.

I am not ready for the end of my sophomore year. I just started enjoying it again and it is ending right before my eyes. I will not be graduating, but I will be leaving my family behind in the band room. I cannot be with them anymore and it breaks my heart. How in the hell am I going to have friends who understand me and listen to me when I am not in band with them anymore? I am not looking forward to being alone again.

I love languages and foreign tongues. I want to speak to you in so many languages to express everything, but I  just cant. one, I can't tell you how I am feeling. Not even in a language. I don't understand what is going on inside my head. Besides, if I tell you in another language, you will never know. It's like I can tell you secrets and you will never know I just told you my heart.

"He looked at me and he said "Have you ever thought about writing music?" I said, "well when I was young I would write strange things on my mickey mouse staff paper and I've written poetry, but I've never written a song." He said "I think you should write a song. I think you would be good at writing songs." And I said, "Okay." Just a few weeks later I was in the car with my mom and dad on the way home from visiting my grandma, and I had headphones on and I was singing my pants off in th car. My dad said "Hey kid, you're not on stage yet." And I burst into tears and I started screaming. My mother was like "What is wrong with you?" My father dropped us off while he went to park the car in the garage about ten blocks away and by the time he had walked back, I had written my first song."