I've been having the worst days.

Bethany wouldn't Skype with me last night which made me feel all shitty and unwanted

And now I'm hurting over fucking sarah
God
Fucking
Damnit

Why am u so upset?

I thinknit might be that I am just so tired.
So tired of being alone.
Everyone I love has a significant other or a best friend.
Which makes me third wheel. Again.
And again.
And again.

So there are days when I really sit and think about my relationship and right now is one of those.
Although none of my feelings for Bethany have changed, it still makes me think. Am I doing the right thing? Am I willing to wait potentially forever and never see her face? Or do I move along with my life and go after Lizzeh or Lacey? No one that ever enjoys my company is ever attractive - and besides, that really isn't the issue.

But Lacey... She actually asked me on a date. A real date. With food and movies and snuggles. Something I can't ge with Bethany. Physical touch. I can read words on a screen for a long time, but sagger a while it feels like I am dating a character in a novel. Something I will never sewe or touch. Especially when it comes to times like this.... Hr webcam hasn't worked since October.

When I can see her face it brings back all that light and happiness. it makes me feel like a real person. I can still be free and do anything I want when I'm out in public, but I will always have the inkling that says "leave her! Hook up!" but I can't bring myself to do it. Does everyone in a reallylong distance relationship feel this way?

"oh, you have the hot sub today," - Danica
"but your idea of hot and my idea of hot are two different things." - Me
"true. My idea of cute isn't the same as anyone elses." -Danica
"if he dent look like he's homeless, he's not cute." - Me
"well... He looks very..." - Danica
"like he has a home?" - Me

So I've met this person thanks to Kelso, and I'm falling really hard really, really fast. That's all.

I thought you were there to support me. God damnit.

Yu know, if you're going to be a bigoted idiot and blabbering your ignorance all over the place, dont get pissed when the librarian splits up your group for talking inappropriately about homosexuality. Fuck you, mrs. Szefi is my hero.