This is Sarah.

This is my best friend, in case any of you were wondering.

I was lucky enough to meet such a wonderful girl in April of this year and I have never been so happy to be in the back of a line for a MCR show. Shes a fabulous girl, so strong and so independent. She leaves me for Finland in August and I am working all summer to buy her something wonderful to remember me by as she leaves. 

She is absolutely beautiful and intelligent. She is taking fucking summer classes to skip her Junior Year to pursue her art. She has absolute balls and guys and all the shit that I don't have. We're astrologically compatible, and above all that, just... compatible. 

I will be so lucky if I get to ever see her again. She and I have planned college together and life after school together. Shes my wife and I plan to keep it that way.

You're amazing Sarah Thornton. Any time you need me, I'm just a text or phone call away. I love you, wifey.

on a semi-happier note, this song makes me feel better.

and it yaknow, symbolizes my life really hard right now.

mini-rant.

so as I'm creeping blogs of my best friends, they all say the same thing about cheating.
"I can't imagine forgiving someone who cheated on me." && everyone else says that.

yet everyone who asks me why I hate that one certain ex in my life always says "get over it, that isn't a valid reason to hate him so much."
Bullshit. He cheated on me and ruined my friendship with my best friend and it never got repaired. He came close to molesting me damnit, and I have never fully healed. Shit. Get over yourselves.
ugh. some people.

btw - this isn't aimed at Jared or Kyle who have answered those questions on their daily challenges. it just sparked a fire under my ass. (:

we've been having problems and they're all my fault and I'm sorry. I feel so bad for bringing things up. I hide everything with humor and ugh. I am so sorry, my god. you're going to hate me forever and by the time this is over i'll be so upset and hurt. you're going to leave me. ugh. i feel so bad. im sorry. im sorry im sorry im sorry. i love you so much and i hate that i did this.

i can't even think a coherent thought.

about seventy things in one.

how am i supposed to love you when I cannot love myself and my heart has belonged to someone else for so long? When the only people I have ever loved are the ones who raised me and don't know I exist? How am I supposed to let go when they can tell when something is wrong instantly? when the first thing that S says to me is "have you slept lately?" because they know just instantly that something isn't right.

I am not ready for the end of my sophomore year. I just started enjoying it again and it is ending right before my eyes. I will not be graduating, but I will be leaving my family behind in the band room. I cannot be with them anymore and it breaks my heart. How in the hell am I going to have friends who understand me and listen to me when I am not in band with them anymore? I am not looking forward to being alone again.

I love languages and foreign tongues. I want to speak to you in so many languages to express everything, but I  just cant. one, I can't tell you how I am feeling. Not even in a language. I don't understand what is going on inside my head. Besides, if I tell you in another language, you will never know. It's like I can tell you secrets and you will never know I just told you my heart.

"He looked at me and he said "Have you ever thought about writing music?" I said, "well when I was young I would write strange things on my mickey mouse staff paper and I've written poetry, but I've never written a song." He said "I think you should write a song. I think you would be good at writing songs." And I said, "Okay." Just a few weeks later I was in the car with my mom and dad on the way home from visiting my grandma, and I had headphones on and I was singing my pants off in th car. My dad said "Hey kid, you're not on stage yet." And I burst into tears and I started screaming. My mother was like "What is wrong with you?" My father dropped us off while he went to park the car in the garage about ten blocks away and by the time he had walked back, I had written my first song."

even though i was so caught up all over you not even a week ago, i am so glad my inkling came back for Poison. I've never been happier to have someone to call my own.
i'm gonna go bathe and get ready for our second date.

Care-Net

So today we were force-fed the bible by a couple of bitches from care-net. while i understand where they came from, they did it in the completely wrong manner. We were forced to pray and listen to this bitch go on and on about how last year 54 children were aborted in Hancock and Daviess County combined. Together, that is about 100,000 people in those two counties. That isn't an insanely huge number, 54.
now, I personally believe in the right to abort your child. It isn't murder to me. Should every pregnant teenager have an abortion? Absolutely not. But is there a right for a woman, her life, and her body to be able to abort an unborn child? Absolutely. There are risks to pregnancy and if my child is going to have such severe birth defects that i cannot help it, will be stillborn, could kill me, was the child of a rape or incest relationship, i would abort the child personally. That is my choice as a woman.
But to have this woman come into my public, governmentally paid for school and give us candy for having fake STDs, give us stickers that say 'Pet Your Dog, Not Your Date', tell us that not even in a steady relationship of five years is it safe to have sex, that everyone in the room including the pastor is going straight to hell, to shove bibles into everyones hands, and pray over us and ask us to join is just wrong.
I go to a public school. I had the right to leave, but I wasn't about to be the weak one. I was going to sit through that stupid motherfucking presentation and scoff.
Seperation of Church and State is in the document that built our country, yet a company like CareNet allows these people to come into my school and force these things down our throats. There was a huge, huge part of me that wanted to stand up and give those people a piece of my mind, but I didn't. I did however say "Geez Care Net, thank you so much for pretty much forcing me to give oral to your bible. I could always consider that premarital sex." to someone I was talking to as we left the gym.
I hate the US Government sometimes.
This is why 'Gays' cant marry.